Maybe it's all the October excitement...or everyone just woke up in Night Vale...because scientists are now confirming that Bigfoot is real...well some scientists. A recent study called the Sasquatch Genome Project claims to have found DNA and video evidence that the human-ape hybrid actually exists.
Bigfoot conspiracy theorists have been given enough fuel to support their claims for the next 50 years. A recent study was released by Dr. Melba S. Ketchum, titled, ''Novel North American Hominins, Next Generation Sequencing of Three Whole Genomes and Associated Studies,'' and reports to have collected key evidence to confirm the existence of bigfoot. The official press release reads:
''One hundred eleven samples of blood, tissue, hair, and other types of specimens were studied, characterized and hypothesized to be obtained from elusive hominins in North America commonly referred to as Sasquatch. DNA was extracted and purified from a subset of these samples that survived rigorous screening for wildlife species identification. Mitochondrial DNA (mtDNA) sequencing, specific genetic loci sequencing, forensic short tandem repeat (STR) testing, whole genome single nucleotide polymorphism (SNP) bead array analysis, and next generation whole genome sequencing were conducted on purported Sasquatch DNA samples gathered from various locations in North America. Additionally, histopathologic and electron microscopic examination were performed on a large tissue sample.
The mtDNA whole genome haplotypes obtained were uniformly consistent with modern humans. Of the 20 whole and 10 partial mitochondrial genomes sequenced, 16 diverse haplotypes were found suggesting that these hominins did not originate in a single geographic location."
The release concluded by saying:
"In summary, our data indicates that the Sasquatch has human mitochondrial DNA but possesses nuclear DNA that is a structural mosaic consisting of human and novel non-human DNA.''
In other words, the report is saying, "Call your mamma and apologize to her for all the times you picked on her for watching Finding Bigfoot on Animal Planet. Now lets just all pray that we don't discover a real life Sharknado next.